The tanning tax, which will fall disproportionately on blonde bimbos and George Hamilton, went into effect last week and got me wondering what additional industry-targeted taxes the Republicans might propose should they gain power in November.
Here are three that readily came to mind:
Warning: If you are politically correct and/or lack a sense of humor, skip this part
The hair-straightening surtax – Hair straightening chemicals are highly toxic and bad for the enviroment. Thankfully, the passage of the tanning tax sets a nice precedent for their taxation.
Nevermind that the burden of this tax will fall disproportionately on African Americans or, more specifically, the womens’ basketball team at Rutgers.
The refried beans surtax – Anything fried once is bad for you, but fried twice? If this crap were any worse for your health, they’d offer a toy with it.
And if the health of our children isn’t a good enough reason to punish Americans for eating dos fried mush, how about this: Anyone who has ever seen the movie Blazing Saddles knows that beans give you flatulence. Flatulence emits methane into the atomosphere which destroys the ozone layer. Destruction of the ozone layer accelerates global warming. Global warming vindicates Al Gore.
Tax the beans, people!
Still not convinced?
Okay, there’s a third reason to tax this nefarious product: Refried beans are frequently used to paint makeshift Swastikas on the windows and walls of buildings owned by Republicans who happen to think it’s a good idea that America control its borders.
Nevermind that the burden of this tax will fall disproportionately on folks who refuse to pronounce the “t” sound in words like “kitten” and “nuttin.”
The chopsticks surtax- This is a no blainer.
Most chopsticks are made from wood. Wood comes from trees. Trees come from forests. Thus, taxing wooden utensils will discourage the deforestation of Amelica.
Nevermind that this little doozy of a surtax will fall heavily on short, hairless people who, although they can do advanced calculus in their sleep, have no idea what an acceleration lane is for.
You see why sin taxes are stupid? One man’s sin is another man’s cultural rite of passage.
Stop the nonsense! No matter how much you try to control the unhealthy behaviors of citizens, still, none of us is getting out of here alive.
Can you think of any other politically incorrect surtaxes? I would certainly love to hear about them.
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