Tax Lawyer's Blog

I can forgive the IRS for wrongfully levying my clients’ bank accounts. I can forgive it for denying perfectly reasonable and legitimate settlement offers. I can even forgive it for by-passing my powers of attorney. But I will never forgive it for making me hate the music of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart.¹

Never, I say!

We all know that when you call the IRS you are often left on hold for what seems like an interminable amount of time. It’s so bad, in fact, that I’ve installed two telephones in my office so I can do business while waiting for the IRS to answer.

Sadly, for at least the last 15 years the IRS’s hold music has been Mozart’s Eine kleine Nachtmusik. What’s wrong with that, you ask. It’s one of the greatest pieces of music ever written. Well, it was great the first one hundred times I listened to it, but now, after several thousand hearings, like Pavlov’s dog, I’ve begun to associate Mozart’s miraculous Serenade No. 13 with pain.²

Thanks solely to the IRS, now whenever I hear Mozart beads of sweat appear on my forehead as I search frantically for a copy of the Internal Revenue Code. When my wife sees this she knows that I am suffering from what the American Medical Association calls IRS Hold Music Syndrome.

She immediately finds me a glass of cold water and a comfortable place to sit. But, alas, nothing works but a pair of industrial strength earplugs or the complete cessation of the music itself.

After waiting on hold for 23 minutes yesterday, I’ve finally had enough. I will be filing a lawsuit against the IRS for depriving me of one of my greatest pleasures: Listening to the music of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart.

Here’s Eine kliene Nachtmusik. Enjoy it, but please wait until I leave the room to begin.

Footnotes:

¹  A famous music critic once said when asked to compare Beethoven and Mozart:

Beethoven reaches for the heavens. Mozart lives there.

²  I can think of a number of other songs that would be more apt for the IRS to use than Mozart’s A Little Night Music. For instance, how about one of these tunes:

• Under Pressure – Queen
• Don’t Take Me Alive – Steely Dan
• Sympathy for the Devil – The Rolling Stones
• Funeral for a Friend - Elton John
• You Don’t Bring Me Flowers Anymore – Neil Diamond/Barbara Streisand

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